He is house sitting this week...and the time apart is going to be great. I just know it. I need to know that I can live without him.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Relationship troubles
My heart is letting go! It has been happening so gradually that I haven't really noticed it until today. Yes the age difference took it's toll. 2 weeks ago Ryan told me he was quitting smoking pot. That he wanted to save money. We he has bought pot the last 2 weeks. I had to lend him money...and he is still smoking it away. Just let me tell you how happy I was...I was wishing this would happen for sometime. I knew Ryan would give it up and grow out of it eventually and cross the bridge to adulthood. I knew that was the sign that we would be ready for the next step...that we finally think about a house and maybe having actual talks about maybe engagement...Well no...He said tonight he is not going to give it up. Well again my dreams of us are on hold...or didn't work out...whatever! I don' t want to hold my breath anymore. I don't want to get my heart broken.
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Ouch.
ReplyDeleteThe issue with a situation like this is that you have to let Ryan make the decision to quit/make changes on his own. It will never be as long-lasting and he will never appreciate the differences in his life (more expendable cash, plus everything else that comes with no longer smoking anything, including weed) if he feels that you "forced" him to do it. (Not that I think you would--but we all know how men are)
Good luck with everything...trust me, I know this can be difficult. My ex had a coke problem when we were first dating. I told him I didn't mind some weed or whatever now and then, but I wasn't going to put up with regular drug use, especially something as stupid as coke. I now know that he was probably lying to me the whole time and doing it for our entire relationship--I found out a little over a year after I left him that he had been abusing it a lot at least the last 6-8 months that we were together. I learned my lesson--I shouldn't have tried to change him or make him quit. I should have just accepted his usage of the drug, or walked away when I knew it was a problem.
Sometimes I think about it and gets me upset and sometimes it does not bother me. I think it is really based on the amount of money he spends on it a week...He isn't different whether or not he does it...
ReplyDeleteI cannot change him and in all fairness he told me in the beginning. So I shouldn't. I do love him with all my heart...I think sometimes it just frustrates me. I do know he will grow out of it...when he is ready!